I can handle being 30 and fat, I can't handle being 40 and dead

I kind of had a new post mapped out in my head about my trip to Georgia and whatnot. But I'm just not feeling up to it right now. I've had some other things on my mind.

I decided today that I have to start being healthy. I have to work out. I have to stop drinking so much. I have to cut way back on the food intake. I really don't want to die at 40. So, I brought my lunch to work today and actually ate it, even though I met some friends for lunch.

I came home all motivated (that's a lie, but if I keep saying it, maybe I'll believe it) to work out. I put my workout clothes on, tied my tennis shoes tight, filled my water bottle up and walked to the apartment complex gym only to find a sign saying it was closed until further notice for updating. It's like the universe wants me to be fat (or they had a sign up for weeks and I never saw it because I haven't been in at least a month).

Day one of the gym was a failure. But I did some half-jumping jacks (jumping jacks for women wearing two bras to workout and still having to hold their boobs to keep from pulling a muscle or getting a black eye. Basically, i hold my chest down and do the jumping part) in the living room. I added in some lunges and arm lifts and what not. I figured since I already spent 10 minutes putting a sports bra on, I might as well do something active. It's been so long since I've worked out, I'm sure I'll feel it tomorrow and it was only 15 minutes worth.

I've gained 75 lbs since I started my job almost five years ago. I'd like to lose all of that plus another 20 or 30. I have some jeans from 1997 that I'd like to wear again. Yes, high school jeans that are out of fashion now. The waist is probably up under my boobs; the rises have come down a lot in 12 years. (holy crap! It's been 12 years since I graduate high school. That doesn't seem possible.) But I've moved those pants from apartment to apartment to my parent's house to apartment -- you get the idea -- over the past 12 years because one day I'll be able to at least pull them up. I won't worry about actually buttoning them.

Tomorrow is another day (I have Gone With The Wind on my mind). Tomorrow I'll exercise, eat well and go to bed early.